Jelly legs

There were so many things I wanted to write about last week and this week that I got jelly-legged and wrote nothing. I had to grade some straggler's assignments and wrap up at the high school I also teach at. My class gave me an online send off with a slideshow presentation highlighting some of my more endearing qualities and quirks that they appreciated. I have some rather large changes in my life coming up and I'm busy prepping for a move. I will share more as details become final, but let's just say I'm finally getting to do the bits of coaching that I excel at so yes, I am moving on from my current position. 

Non Negotiable

I've been working on this post for quite some time. And while I didn't have it ready in time for Wednesday, it's worth noting, that my compulsion to adhere to deadlines has waned dramatically as I age. I'm sure I'll add more to this list as we battle a fascist movement right here in our own country. 
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My Non-Negotiables
I don't feel compelled to surround myself or associate with people for the sake of collecting them. I have standards. If you have an opinion that is different from mine, I can let it slide on certain issues. There are a few deal breakers that will get you shut out of my circle. Before I get into them, please know I do still value your existence as a person, I would just prefer not to speak to you or be in your company.

1. Science Deniers
Yes it's a big category and whether it's vaccines, gender, sexuality, evolution, climate change or nutrition I just can't be bothered by someone that refuses to understand science and data even when it's presented in simple terms. As a teacher, I am often called upon to boil down complex topics into bite sized pieces for my students. I worked as a technical writer, I can make short work of unfamiliar systems or processes so I'm confident in my ability to help any person understand science. Ask me, I will be more than happy to help you understand. I can use words, pictures, music or videos. Fair warning, I'm terrible at drawing.

2. All Lives Matter
There was a time where I would sarcastically reply, yes all lives do matter, so will you march with us at the Black Lives Matter protest? That culled the crowd real quick. If you say this, I cannot have you in my space. Go read some books, do some soul searching, and when you can tell me why this take is wrong; I'll give you a peanut for doing the minimum.

3. White Supremacists
I shouldn't have to explain this.

4. People that don't read for work and or leisure
There are only so many stories we can tell about our own lives. After that, I would rather sit in silence than rehash the same jokes or stories.

5. Abusers
I shouldn't have to explain this one either.

6. QAnon Followers
Okay, this one will get it's own post eventually, but seriously this smacks of a grift of the gullible souls that think wearing a mask is a violation of their civil rights. I can't.

Today I learned

Well, not quite today as in 05MAY2021. I've been seeing a therapist since before the pandemic to help me work through some personal issues. Along the way, I've learned a ton of new things about myself, and to be honest most of it was validation of what makes me who I am today. I didn't enter therapy seeking validation. I went there to vent and reduce my blood pressure, and it became so much more.

So what have I learned? 

It's okay to not like bars, crowded spaces, and loud places. I carry earplugs with me just in case. It's also okay to suggest alternatives to these spaces and that I should not feel like I am upsetting the apple cart.

My sarcasm are hugs. Although I am getting better at accepting and receiving platonic physical gestures, I use sarcasm to let people know I've brought them into my circle. Otherwise it's fist bumps and awkward waves for the rest of you.

I'm really good at setting boundaries even though I don't always express them tactfully. And I'm very careful not to let work and personal life blur those lines.

My self-described OCD isn't really OCD. I have some of those tendencies, but in fact my therapist assured me that I don't have OCD. As I described my routines and behaviors that I deemed problematic or that might interfere with my work, most of the things I described stem from events where failure had occurred in the past and I was working to reduce the risk of them occurring again. Informed preparation is not OCD.

What things do I still need to work on?

I don't like socializing in the conventional sense. I'm terrible at it. I can be cold, aloof, and indifferent to strangers. But, the moment someone needs help or there is a problem to solve, I'm usually the first to offer assistance. We're still navigating the middle ground here. I don't see the need to be better at socializing, but I think my therapist wants to ensure that I don't become the hermit crab as I get older. (I know, I'm projecting.) There's value in this, but I'm still sorting that bit out on why there is value and what it means to be social on my terms.