What I Miss Most

Here's something I started in April, but didn't finish until today.

Spring season the time when nature and fall sports teams renew, grow, and when needed, correct themselves. This the time in the gym I miss the most. It's when the student-athletes put in a tremendous amount of effort to change patterns. It's difficult because some of the gains are not tangible and often unrealized until next fall. I miss the "a-ha" moments and the satisfaction of connecting with a student that may have been skeptical or confused. There's an intense feeling of accomplishment when one student makes a conscious effort to make better choices on and off the court. So when you get the whole team to buy in, well you can imagine the exhilaration that comes with it. That's a high that balances the worst days in the gym and on the road. ---

I did not participate in summer camp season. For twenty-something years, my summers have been spent traveling to work volleyball camps (for the extra cash, an edge in recruiting, and to network). I must say my wallet, and my body are content with it. My knees got to experience a lot more bicycle trips and hikes this summer and we are happier for it. I did miss the kids joking about my terrible name recall or the fact that they are taller than me. The most enjoyable part of camp is the last day. They say goodbye to their new friends, show their parents what they learned, and thank us for teaching them stuff they didn't even know they didn't know.

Now it's fall again, I've missed preseason, and the first week jitters. I miss hearing about dorm life adjustments from college first years, and the plans of too soon to be departing seniors. I'm not sure if missing the enjoyable parts of my former life as a coach ever ends as grieving is a process, but my new job is slowly capturing my heart and bringing me a lot of unexpected joy. I have new tasks ahead of me to build a positive technology support culture and teach 5th and 6th graders what there is to love about volleyball. While my colleagues are much more in tune with the rhythm of middle school life and helping me adjust, I am slowly but surely getting on beat. My goal this school year isn't to stop missing volleyball but to share the things I enjoy most about it, maybe incorporate the best pieces along the way, and yes to learn everybody's names.

Big Deep Breath

Staring at the drafts here that I may not finish. I'm okay with it. Some of you may know that I moved to Seattle, WA to take an assistant coaching position because it was the right time for me to move on. I was looking forward to coaching in a different division, league, and geographic region. I was optimistic that I could impart my knowledge and experience to assist this new team in their quest for an improved athletic experience.

Someday, I'll tell you about the events that preceded my firing the week before Thanksgiving. I'm sure I can carve out some time to write about the struggles the student-athletes and staff experienced in great detail, but for now, just this: I'm at peace with my decisions. Knowing the outcome of my actions, I would make the same decisions again. I did my job to protect the integrity of our sport, the welfare of the student-athletes and my colleagues. Even though I was fired, I left on my own terms. I spoke my truth and stood up for those that feared retribution. 

I took some time to feel my feelings and sort through them. With help from my people, I'm able to say that if this is how my career ends I'm proud of it. I've had the privilege to work with amazing student-athletes and coaches. Some of them have moved on from volleyball, and I guess it's my turn now. I promised the student-athletes in my farewell note that I'd be alright after this ordeal and I am. One of the first lessons we learn as teammates is that failure is about getting back up. Sometimes when you get back up it isn't to return to the spot where you fell from, but to get an opportunity to attack from another angle.