Jelly legs

There were so many things I wanted to write about last week and this week that I got jelly-legged and wrote nothing. I had to grade some straggler's assignments and wrap up at the high school I also teach at. My class gave me an online send off with a slideshow presentation highlighting some of my more endearing qualities and quirks that they appreciated. I have some rather large changes in my life coming up and I'm busy prepping for a move. I will share more as details become final, but let's just say I'm finally getting to do the bits of coaching that I excel at so yes, I am moving on from my current position. 

Non Negotiable

I've been working on this post for quite some time. And while I didn't have it ready in time for Wednesday, it's worth noting, that my compulsion to adhere to deadlines has waned dramatically as I age. I'm sure I'll add more to this list as we battle a fascist movement right here in our own country. 
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My Non-Negotiables
I don't feel compelled to surround myself or associate with people for the sake of collecting them. I have standards. If you have an opinion that is different from mine, I can let it slide on certain issues. There are a few deal breakers that will get you shut out of my circle. Before I get into them, please know I do still value your existence as a person, I would just prefer not to speak to you or be in your company.

1. Science Deniers
Yes it's a big category and whether it's vaccines, gender, sexuality, evolution, climate change or nutrition I just can't be bothered by someone that refuses to understand science and data even when it's presented in simple terms. As a teacher, I am often called upon to boil down complex topics into bite sized pieces for my students. I worked as a technical writer, I can make short work of unfamiliar systems or processes so I'm confident in my ability to help any person understand science. Ask me, I will be more than happy to help you understand. I can use words, pictures, music or videos. Fair warning, I'm terrible at drawing.

2. All Lives Matter
There was a time where I would sarcastically reply, yes all lives do matter, so will you march with us at the Black Lives Matter protest? That culled the crowd real quick. If you say this, I cannot have you in my space. Go read some books, do some soul searching, and when you can tell me why this take is wrong; I'll give you a peanut for doing the minimum.

3. White Supremacists
I shouldn't have to explain this.

4. People that don't read for work and or leisure
There are only so many stories we can tell about our own lives. After that, I would rather sit in silence than rehash the same jokes or stories.

5. Abusers
I shouldn't have to explain this one either.

6. QAnon Followers
Okay, this one will get it's own post eventually, but seriously this smacks of a grift of the gullible souls that think wearing a mask is a violation of their civil rights. I can't.

Today I learned

Well, not quite today as in 05MAY2021. I've been seeing a therapist since before the pandemic to help me work through some personal issues. Along the way, I've learned a ton of new things about myself, and to be honest most of it was validation of what makes me who I am today. I didn't enter therapy seeking validation. I went there to vent and reduce my blood pressure, and it became so much more.

So what have I learned? 

It's okay to not like bars, crowded spaces, and loud places. I carry earplugs with me just in case. It's also okay to suggest alternatives to these spaces and that I should not feel like I am upsetting the apple cart.

My sarcasm are hugs. Although I am getting better at accepting and receiving platonic physical gestures, I use sarcasm to let people know I've brought them into my circle. Otherwise it's fist bumps and awkward waves for the rest of you.

I'm really good at setting boundaries even though I don't always express them tactfully. And I'm very careful not to let work and personal life blur those lines.

My self-described OCD isn't really OCD. I have some of those tendencies, but in fact my therapist assured me that I don't have OCD. As I described my routines and behaviors that I deemed problematic or that might interfere with my work, most of the things I described stem from events where failure had occurred in the past and I was working to reduce the risk of them occurring again. Informed preparation is not OCD.

What things do I still need to work on?

I don't like socializing in the conventional sense. I'm terrible at it. I can be cold, aloof, and indifferent to strangers. But, the moment someone needs help or there is a problem to solve, I'm usually the first to offer assistance. We're still navigating the middle ground here. I don't see the need to be better at socializing, but I think my therapist wants to ensure that I don't become the hermit crab as I get older. (I know, I'm projecting.) There's value in this, but I'm still sorting that bit out on why there is value and what it means to be social on my terms.

Why The Withdrawal From Social Media?

People that interact with me regularly on Social Media have asked, "Where have you been, and are you doing okay?" To answer, I've been working from home and I have been reading a lot more and outside since the weather is nice and my doctor has me on a kickass allergy regimen. I'm just dandy and not one sandwich has been thrown at me while riding my bicycle in traffic and I have not been doored. 

I don't have a ton of followers or close friends on SM. If I had to put a number on it, 25 are friends in real life, and about half of them wondered what my deal was. I was possibly a hermit crab in a previous life. I'm not much for socializing to begin with and Social Media had the appeal of interacting as much as I wanted to and not worrying about the physical anxiety that comes with the physical presence of other people.

So far I've experienced a few temporary bans and holds on my accounts due to bots and targeted reporting of my posts. I don't have the anonymity that others have with their accounts. I use bits of my actual name because I have nothing to hide, seriously. Some have gone so far as to accuse me of being a bot. As much as I wish I had robotic legs (since both of my knees hate me and the stairs I climb regularly) I am very much human. Social Media is almost as exhausting as being around actual people in real life, almost.

So nothing salacious or viral happened, I'm just doing something I would normally do in real life which is to stand in the corner and observe (judge). Next week I'll tell you about some things I've learned about myself since I began talking to a licensed therapist. I really hope you are well.

BC

Bringing Back Writing Wednesday

Hey, long time no write. I tried the social media thing, and I've come to the conclusion that it is just not for me. I enjoy it enough to share a smile, catch a laugh, or hold people accountable, but it's not the place for me to share what I really want to share. The short attention span or short format is just not who I am. I need to ramble, but I want to give the reader the option to continue reading or just skip forward. So back to Writing Wednesdays for me. If you're down with that, read on.

Today's subject, my new class, Strategy of Games.
This Spring Semester we continued with full remote online learning. I introduced a special topic for the Physical Education Department. My thought for this class was to get the students to do some introspection on their decision making processes. I only got half the semester to work with them, but in that half we explored risk management, outcome analysis, probability, and put it all together in a practical way using games like checkers, connect four, Among Us, dissecting heist movies like Foolproof, and actual robberies and crimes.

After reading some of their feedback and comments, I'm happy to share they enjoyed the course. The most common comment was some form of, "I wish someone had walked me through this sooner." That struck a nerve with me. As a volleyball coach, this is partly how I train self-sufficient young adults for volleyball and the things that come after. They don't realize it, but I've been teaching strategic thinking the entire time they have been with me. For those athletes that jump to coaching, it's immediately apparent. For others, it was a gradual shift in their thinking and their decision making process. Some of them call it impulse control. It felt really good to help students flex their brains and learn something new about themselves.

If you have questions or want to see an outline and lesson plans for this class, please let me know. I would be happy to help you adapt this coursework for an entire semester or High School students.

Creative Cramp

I don't really have much to say. Anything that I write in my personal journal is abstract, dark, and not worth sharing with you. I have no good stories to tell and no witty remarks for the disaster we're all living with at the moment. Anything that I draw or design is just ink on paper at the moment because I'm hunkered down at home and only leave for groceries about every 12-14 days. It's not bad or good, it's just how it is. 

The tragedy here is we've been spun. We're still spinning. I find comfort in the routine of my work from home day, but I fear for my neighbors and friends. Some still go to work, and some worry how long they keep their jobs. I worry about my own job. Am I valuable enough to keep around? Is my mind going to atrophy from the lack of problems to solve and things to fix? 

I thought maybe by posting in my irregularly scheduled blog, something would click and break me out of this mental funk. I don't know if it will and right now, it's not really important. What's important is that I stay home, and to my part to reduce the risk of exposure to myself and other people. The Happy Tinkerer is temporarily, the Mildly Amused Tinkerer for now. Cheers.

Ch, Ch, Ch, Ch, Changes

My job search advice:

1. Never give up, keep applying.

2. Talk to your mentors and references before, during, after the process. Stay in touch with them even if it's just a random "hello" note.

3. You're going to fail, see number one.

4. Your mileage may vary.

5. Consider options outside of your intended goal. It may help you focus or help drive you harder in your initial pursuit.

When you feel like no one is going to call or respond. Apply for one more job then take a break. Even if it's just 2 or 3 hours. I took a break for 5 days. In those 5 days, I rewrote my cover letter, and took a personal inventory on why I wanted a new job. I looked at some of the questions I had been asked in past interviews and saw some excellent Men's NCAA volleyball in Long Beach. I talked to colleagues I hadn't seen in a long time and being around the thing I loved most reaffirmed that I was ready to make a move. 

Fast forward a month later, I have calls on top of calls, and interviews for my chosen work as a coach, and back up work in healthcare and IT support. I put some of those IT and healthcare jobs on the back burner and asked for their hiring timeframe. It worked for me, so I kept chugging along and it paid off. I'm in Winston Salem, NC working at Salem College as the Head Volleyball Coach and enjoying every minute of it.

It happened quickly. I was offered a job during a volleyball camp and I asked for a day or two to think on it. I needed some time to compare salaries, cost of living, and challenges of each program. I love solving problems and chose the most difficult (I think) of the jobs that were offered to me. I knew I had an AD that was going to allow me the time I needed to change the team culture and recruit the athletes I needed to sustain those changes. I doubled down, found a place to live, sold my stuff, packed up my compact car, and made the move over the course of 2 weeks. I had been preparing for a move for three months prior. Now I finally had a date set.

The season began soon after my move and today, I'm still living out of boxes although I know which box contains toothpicks. It's been a trial by fire, and I've made some mistakes and learned a lot about myself, my team, and my colleagues.  We are now into the homestretch of the season and I can confidently say that this is where I'm supposed to be. Home.