I'm not sure if you are starting to sense a theme in my anecdotes or my life in general. In fact today as I'm writing this, my nephew is preparing to run over my foot with his monster truck. Descriptions that come to mind in regards to me: sarcastic, clever, clumsy, generous, and awfully shy around new humans. The fact that a four year old occupies the same space as me is a miracle in itself. There aren't many things I hate, sure I dislike plenty of things who doesn't? It's easier for me to list the things I enjoy than the things I dislike. But there are three things that absolutely frighten me; small children (any human less than 12 years old), heights (even though I will jump out of a perfectly good airplane), redheads (the Weasley family is an exception mainly because they aren't real).
I drove home today to babysit my nephew (4). I only live 2.5 hours away so it wasn't that big of a deal and it will be nice to gear up for a busy July after spending time with family. I have some volleyball camps coming up that will have me racking up my Amtrak miles. I'm a patient person and when it comes to driving, it's all the same. We all get where we're going eventually so why not enjoy some quality time with a book on tape or some songs you haven't heard in a while (1994-1998, mostly grunge).
Well of course there's always someone in a hurry and that someone usually drives like a jackrabbit on crack. One vehicle in particular caught my attention today as I made my way east on I90. White van, not a minivan, I'm talking 12 passenger, cram your small army of a family into three too few seats of a vehicle that already has twelve. I heard those 15 and 12 passenger vans aren't too safe or speedy when fully loaded. Apparently this guy and his horde didn't get that memo. So what did they do that warranted an entry on Independence Day?
If any of you have ever seen Billy Madison, you know about the O'Doyle family that bullies Adam Sandler's character throughout the entire movie. The family of red headed trolls finally meets their doom while piled into the family wagon, and as I recall owes their misfortune to a banana peel.
Back to the White van: large cumbersome vehicle-check, filled to capacity with gingers-check, bullies people through intimidation(tailgating), object throwing(litterbugs), name calling(substitute obscene gesture). So what we have here is a life imitating art situation here. Picture me, short Asian lady driving and rockin' out to Weezer in my Camry at 75mph(speed limit is 65mph). I am driving on the right like a good driver would, unlike those Ohioans that drive at whatever speed they feel and whichever lane is convenient don't get me started on Canadians. Regardless, I notice a White van closing distance on me pretty rapidly. I continue to rock out, and assume they will pass on the left, nope. They continue to ride my bumper for about six miles. Clear traffic mind you and plenty opportunities to pass on the left.
For whatever reason this van has decided to draft or hide behind my vehicle. I am not amused, in fact I am getting slightly irritated, so I slow down in hopes that it prompts the giant van to pass. What does carrot top do? He passes, and has the passenger roll down her window and she throws a fountain soda at my car, flips me the bird, and they speed away. That would have been fine except, of all things, I was low on bug juice, and I had to stop at the next rest stop to fill it back up and clean my windows. I was trying to remember if I had cut the guy off or done something to annoy him, but I don't recall a white van with Indiana plates near me in Erie, PA. Actually I'm quite positive about it. Who can forget a van full of gingers?
After resuming my normal course we get to the toll booths and what do we have here? A mini traffic jam, some lady must be paying in nickels. There's a familiar presence weaving it's way over to the open space in front of me. Oh my the ginger hyenas are in front of me. I hope they don't throw crap at my car. As they pull through the EZ Pass lane, the brakes screech to a halt even though you are supposed to cruise through at 20 mph for the reader to pick up the signal from your transponder. Okay maybe he thinks it's 5mph, some are like that. What seems to be the problem? Oh, you can't find your EZ Pass device? You're the type that leaves it on the dashboard allows it to freestyle as you drive. No toll for you O'Doyle!
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